It has been a bit longer than I would have liked to be posting. Over the past week I have written two different blogs and decided to keep them in the draft bin. Why? Not because I needed to fact check or come up with a topic. The 'why" is becasue I allowed myself to question my motive. The message was biting and clear - even though I left out names and specific details of who and what. I keep my message more universal, even though it came from a personal experience.
I felt like people close to me would know exactly who and what I was blogging about - and the message would get out without me having to say any more. Then, I paused. I paused and struggled - and asked myself the question - isn't this a way to shrug off the responsibility of owning up to my words and my message however universal I tried to make it? Wouldn't that be drawing people in to my mess and baiting them to figure it out? Like using my message as a weapon. For what? To what end?
If yoga has taught me anything it is response - ability - responsibility - the ability to respond appropriately. I asked myself what was the true intention behind my message? Was it to promote a positive vibe or a negative vibe? I decided it wasn't positive and so there it sits.....in the draft bin soon to be deleted.
I heard recently - though I am hard pressed to put my finger on the source (maybe Jon Kabat Zinn) that it is easier to keep your word 100% of the time than it is to keep your word 99% of the time. The reason is once you fold/give in/reason away that 1% ........it will be exponentially easier to give in again and again. Once you get out of the fog of maya (illusion) and get past that critical point and you found you have done the right thing - the feeling is nirvana - it is wholesome - it nourishes all that is good in you. And it gives you power. It does not make you weak.
Mark (my fiancee) and I have been pescatarian (no meat - only fish) for some time now. I started in December and he in January after attending a Dharma Mittra at a lecture in San Fran. I chose pescatarian over vegetarian so I would have a better chance of succeeding. I stick to scallops, and shrimp and salmon for the Omega 3s. Recently I realized my body wasn't getting enough protein and people were saying - maybe its not for you. It isn't for everyone. And I agree that is true. But for me - I decided instead of giving up on something very important to me, I would change the story. I would readdress my non meat food choices - get more protein (through shakes) and beef up my vitamin intake - no pun intended. Thanks to the help of Mark and Raphael its working and I feel better. Most importantly I did not break my promise to myself.
Big exhale.
Know that most of us are doing the very best we can at any given time.
namaste
lisa
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satya
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahimsa
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